This Is Not A Test, Part X2; Adolescence (In Progress)

Teen years are the basis for a lot of conflict and confusion for everyone involved, but time and time again it seems that in general post-teen society (so, everyone over 20) brushes it all off. Belittles it. No wonder so many teenagers get angry and upset. They’re trying to work out who they are; but they don’t have the words to describe it, the knowledge to understand it or the experience to compare it to. Add to this a peer-society and wider culture that makes everyone feel like they’re swimming with sharks and you’ve got a perfect storm of teenage angst. And much of culture, so very helpfully, makes teenagers feel like they’re being stupid for having those problems in the first place.

Into this I drop. And to top it all off, I’m having a crises of religion. Jesus Christ, being fat, loud and annoying wasn’t enough? Everyone I knew who wasn’t religious wouldn’t understand what I was making a big deal out of, and everyone who was religious was too stuck in being right to ever really hear what I was saying.

In retrospect, I was being a prat. There were people who would have listened to me. Endless, endless friends who, if I’d put it on the line, would have at least tried to help. Some of them wouldn’t have been able to help, but many of them would. I was surrounded by people who could have helped but I was so scared and trapped in my own head that I never let it out. In truth, if it had only been my loss of faith that was my issue, then I think I would’ve talked about it more. But I had other voices in my head. I was already suffering from major depression, and it would be seven or eight years before I was willing to admit that.

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