Writing this is a very particular strand of peculiar. Not only am I writing an aftermath to an article that I haven’t even finished yet, but since I posted various parts of this article on my blog a few days ago when I was in the grasp of the crazies, a slightly unexpected thing has happened; some people have read it.
That sounds stupid I know, considering what a public weblog is. But remember that almost all of the things I recently posted were things I had written for myself. I wrote them in at all sorts of times and in all sorts of mindframes, and I did so to try and push myself to write. To write anything. So when I wrote them, I wasn’t really thinking about other people. Or, to clarify, I wasn’t thinking about anyone’s reaction to reading the article I was writing – because as far as I was concerned at the time, it was unlikely anyone ever would read it. I’ve quoted before that ‘no one composes in a vacuum’, which is absolutely true. Everything surrounding the writing, informs the writing. But the actual act of the writing itself is composed in a little vacuum. It was written, alone, by me. Read by me, considered, edited and not-deleted by me, and posted by me. So I never really gave any thought to people’s reactions.
This is very important for this multi-part article in particular, partially because it touches on quite deep issues that can strike people in any number of ways, and partially because it’s based in fact – or at least in my real life. It’s not fiction. Other people I mention in it are not fiction either.
One thing that happened, that had literally never crossed my mind, is that the person who I reference in part one, my mum, might actually read this. She recently did. I’m actually very glad she did, because it allowed her to put forward an important point; I am wrong about her faith.
Now, she was not saying I’m totally wrong and my lack of faith is wrong and so on. No, she was simply pointing out that the impression I give in this article is very misleading – which it is. She pointed out that A: she does have her own answers and B: she is not very good at communicating them. Not saying the answer is very different from not having any answers.
I have umm’d and ahh’d about how to correct this, and I have decided not to delete the article or drastically change it – at least not now. I wrote what I wrote for a reason, and I will continue to consider and improve the article until I think it’s in a good state. And even through what I know now might invalidate what I said then, I would much rather be wrong than simply try to pretend it never happened. I was right to write it, and she was right to point out that I was wrong – or at least, misinformed.