XCOM 2: The Grand Tour

For previous entries, click reverently: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.


My team needs a break. need a break. But we can’t have one. So instead, I organise some pomp and circumstance, something to boost morale. I have a grand walk of the ship. Let everyone see how far they’ve come. Keep everyone’s chin up. Let’s have a look shall we?


First up, we tour the ship. After months of backbreaking labour, we’ve cleared out the debris. More than this, in the last few weeks we have had a fit of progress. Our ship is nearly complete. Each room bustles with the hum of activity. From top to bottom, we are running well. Doesn’t it seem like just last week that we didn’t even have a Resistance Comms? And look at us now crew, look at us now.

And now, the stars. Each and every member of this crew deserves recognition.


I believe in leading from the front, and recognising achievement without ego or false modesty. As such, I am proud to say I haven’t been letting you down. You know me affectionately as ‘Deacon’. I am your field medic, your ally. I may seem hard on you, I may seem dour. But I watch over you, ever vigilant.


Next up, we recognise Major ‘Solo’ Toshney. Equal in rank, and my staunchest buddy on the field. Her progress has been dramatic, and she wields her twin axes and ‘Dice’ shotgun wherever it is needed. Running headfirst into danger without delay, risking her life for her team; trusting they will do the same for her.


Captain ‘Valentine’ Greenwood, the pistol sweetheart. She has us covered when we need it, but has never been afraid to get up close and personal. Her achievements are well recognised as she sports the second highest kill count on board the mothership. In recognition of this, we bestow on her Shadowkeeper, a bespoke pistol recovered from our deepest archives.


Lieutenant ‘Rhino’ Haines. Their customised yellow armour brings a presence to the battlefield every time. With a heavily customised repeater they whittle out the heavy targets, marking enemies and dictating the flow of battle for their allies.


Lt. ‘Jester’ O’Sullivan, whose innovative use of drones and scanning equipment has kept our troops safe many times.

Lt. ‘Judge’ Linden, the gun on high. Once planted, his unnerring aim takes out whoever is needed, before they even spot him.

Sgt. ‘Crypto’ McGowan, our second medic. Keeping us alive; the most vital skill of all.

Cpl. Alexander Carrington, whose lesser rank has decieved many foes. More than anyone else, Cpl. Carrington has given up the medals of battle for the softer blade of covert work. We formally recognise his outstanding work today.

Cpl. Nate Spencer, who along with his ally Cpl. Carrington, is joint for the most successful covert ops achieved in XCOM history. His work behind the scenes has perhaps saved more lives than anyone else on the mothership.

Initiate. Joss Hordern, whose latent powers are still training, we recognise the value of an ally who understand these alien foes on a deeper level. Do not let your inexperience in the field of combat mislead you from the fact that you, and you alone, rule the battlefield of the mind.


As we end our ceremony, we take this time to recognise Erin ‘Mad-Dog’ Donovan, who remains deep in a covert operation, and is unable to join us at this time. We wish them a speedy and safe recovery, and look forward to the return of their artillery.

Lastly, we mourn the loss of Jamie Brewster. He fell too soon, and is missed.

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